This is normal and if you aren't being cruel in action then you don't need to do a struggle session about it! this is your disgust reflex working correctly, especially if you tend to undermine your gut-level preferences in favor of etiquette or ideals in social interactions. imo this is your body making sure you don't go along with something that you don't want just because someone started the script or whatever.
Maybe cause getting hit on means they put you on roughly the same level as them, and you find that insulting, cause you find them less attractive and not worthy?
Basically every unattractive guy that hits on you makes you think you may actually be less attractive than you thought.
This would be true for both men and women of course.
Honestly I really don’t think this is it. It’s much more akin to the experience encountering a bunch of beggars at once, except instead of your money they want your body (and sexual disgust just feels quite visceral)
This is sooo astute. I've struggled with this same feeling and experienced if for the first time today, in a while. A couple of men were standing on either side of the sidewalk and muttering and saying crass things to the women that walked by. The immediate vitriol has always been surprising to experience. It feels reflexive and ive contextualized it in many frameworks but really highlighting the "bully" aspect is so crushingly true. I remarked recently that its a precious social balance to wield that power of being a desirable young woman while it's around verrrry tenderly. Its incredibly primal
men should be offered the option of voluntary castration by the medical system, if you are an undesirable man you make an appointment ASAP for a castration in thailand.... thats what i will do (its also possible in mexico and peru but thailand is probably the country with the least hurdles)
Where it gets kind of crazy is that, I feel, men are programmed to be disgusted by rejected losers too, or at least to have a little laugh at their expense. By acknowledging that we undergo pain during rejection (indeed by acknowledging that we desire to be loved), we bring the contempt of our peers onto ourselves. And I get the bad feeling that that's as it must be, too.
Is it really true only 40 percent of males mated? That seems awfully low.
I feel this often for other things (Contempt or as you say how a bully feels towards their victims). There is self control. I don’t do anything I don’t endorse. I don’t feel guilt. I’ve done nothing wrong so there’s nothing to feel guilt about. In terms of navigating these emotions which is a separate issue I sometimes tackle, I think that requires imagining different worlds, or seeing how you could steer the situation where what you feel towards them is not offence at their asks.
I'm struck by the honesty and kindness of this post. This attitude is exactly what our gender conversation needs.
Big of you to reflect on this and discuss it publicly, unprompted. That’s a service to the culture. Thank you for volunteering such a personal X-ray.
This is so interesting and probably normal and I don't relate at all. So many minds out there in the world
This is normal and if you aren't being cruel in action then you don't need to do a struggle session about it! this is your disgust reflex working correctly, especially if you tend to undermine your gut-level preferences in favor of etiquette or ideals in social interactions. imo this is your body making sure you don't go along with something that you don't want just because someone started the script or whatever.
I feel awfully unseen by this lol. I absolutely fucking love being troubled and having intense public struggle sessions.
I mean same lmao but I can't pretend I've never hurt myself with my brain while doing it
this is the kind of comment we would not read if she was a man complaining about women
Don’t feel guilty, it is what it is. You can’t fight biology, don’t even try.
I feel you.
- An Innocent Young Man
Maybe cause getting hit on means they put you on roughly the same level as them, and you find that insulting, cause you find them less attractive and not worthy?
Basically every unattractive guy that hits on you makes you think you may actually be less attractive than you thought.
This would be true for both men and women of course.
Honestly I really don’t think this is it. It’s much more akin to the experience encountering a bunch of beggars at once, except instead of your money they want your body (and sexual disgust just feels quite visceral)
This is sooo astute. I've struggled with this same feeling and experienced if for the first time today, in a while. A couple of men were standing on either side of the sidewalk and muttering and saying crass things to the women that walked by. The immediate vitriol has always been surprising to experience. It feels reflexive and ive contextualized it in many frameworks but really highlighting the "bully" aspect is so crushingly true. I remarked recently that its a precious social balance to wield that power of being a desirable young woman while it's around verrrry tenderly. Its incredibly primal
Interesting. Can't say to have ever felt that. Would be interesting to see if and to what extent men also feel this.
I've got a hunch that in men is less about disgust and more about pity.
I wonder if it has to do with power dynamics.
Maybe if you fear / want to get away from them, you get disgust, but if you don't feel threatened, you get pity...
men should be offered the option of voluntary castration by the medical system, if you are an undesirable man you make an appointment ASAP for a castration in thailand.... thats what i will do (its also possible in mexico and peru but thailand is probably the country with the least hurdles)
First substack I've read in a while. Love the phenomenological musing.
I don’t know I feel a bit inconvenienced if beggars ask me for money. It’s perhaps the same in some ways.
Perhaps it’s less annoying if strangers don’t immediately hit on you but first ask other questions
Nice post in more ways than one.
Where it gets kind of crazy is that, I feel, men are programmed to be disgusted by rejected losers too, or at least to have a little laugh at their expense. By acknowledging that we undergo pain during rejection (indeed by acknowledging that we desire to be loved), we bring the contempt of our peers onto ourselves. And I get the bad feeling that that's as it must be, too.
Is it really true only 40 percent of males mated? That seems awfully low.
I feel this often for other things (Contempt or as you say how a bully feels towards their victims). There is self control. I don’t do anything I don’t endorse. I don’t feel guilt. I’ve done nothing wrong so there’s nothing to feel guilt about. In terms of navigating these emotions which is a separate issue I sometimes tackle, I think that requires imagining different worlds, or seeing how you could steer the situation where what you feel towards them is not offence at their asks.
Would love to read more on this!
It is kind of you, but don't really think it's something women need to worry about helping men with (for free)
We could crowdfund their scholarships to SlutCon I guess?